For weeks leading up to the recent bank holiday, everyone has been saying it was predicted to be the hottest weekend this year so far. May Day bank holiday was a scorcher, so if this was going to be even hotter – woo hoo!
As like many others, we had made a plan for the whole of the weekend based on this beautiful weather we were going to have!
Saturday – Hubby was to paint the fence – paint and new brushes were bought in anticipation, and I was going to clean the house and visit the butchers and supermarket to buy steak and salads for the Braai we were having for our neighbours.
Sunday – A lovely long walk somewhere in the Cotswolds with the dogs, then home to wash and clean car myself followed by a relaxing Braai.
Monday – A relaxing day, maybe a short walk with the dogs then home to start packing for our trip to Scotland and Italy later on in the month. Probably a final Braai of the weekend.
So what actually happened? Well I think someone forgot to tell the sun to come out! Instead we had a mixture of showers, thunder storms, a little bit of sun and greyness! It was all change for our plans! The difficulty was, the weather seemed to change on the forecast daily! From our amazing planned weekend, we then went to deciding very last minute based on the weather at that time. So how did our weekend turn out?
Saturday – A trip to the butchers and supermarket for me, but this time to look for something to cook inside. Sadly the housework was still on my agenda. For hubby, a day relaxing at home on his computer and watching Rugby on TV.
Sunday – A lazy start and then a trip to get my car washed and cleaned inside. We were hoping to call in on my parents but I couldn’t get hold of them! On the plus side, my friends invited us over for Sunday dinner, so that was a really nice change to our plans.
Monday – It was dry, woo hoo, so we quickly took the opportunity to paint the fence! I say ‘we’ as suddenly it became a job for both of us. I have to say it does look amazing and very satisfying when you finally get the job done!
Being flexible and open to change
This weekend is, like so many others. With the great British weather, we can make as many plans as we like, but sometimes they just have to go out of the window. Whilst we didn’t do half the things we planned, (I certainly didn’t even start to think about the Scottish and Italy trip), we did have fun. On the negative side, I now need to fit a lot of jobs into my evenings after work, which is never my preferred way.
It is always good to have a plan but, trying to always stick to it can cause you a lot of stress and unhappiness. This over time this can manifest itself, and bring on health problems such as depression and anxiety.
By being flexible, you are allowing yourself to experience new opportunities and skills. If the sun had come out last weekend, I wouldn’t have gone to see my friends and had a fun relaxing evening. If my husband had started the fence on Saturday, I wouldn’t have helped him on Monday. You might be pulling a face at that comment, but actually, I had fun doing it with him, and I too can share the satisfaction of looking at it now its done.
This was one weekend, but if you think about your life in general, you will experience a lot of change, both in your personal and work life. Some of them may not always be good changes, but by building up your resilience to change for the smaller things, it will help you cope with the bigger changes.
They say divorce, death and moving house are the most stressful things you experience in your life. I’ve had all 3 of them and I can agree. So, what can you do to help you get through these times?
- Acknowledge the changeTrying to pretend it isn’t happening won’t help you. Understand what the change is and how it will impact you.
- Write it downWrite down how you are feeling? Make a list of the positives and negatives of the change? When you write things down, they sometimes don’t seem as bad as they did when they were just in your head!
Keep a diary. It is amazing how every day putting down how you are feeling, what you are thinking etc will help you.
- Focus on the PositivesBy looking at the positives you can start to feel more relaxed and calm about the change.
- Turn the Negatives into PositivesList next to your negatives at least 1 positive. For example, if you are getting divorced, think about something you didn’t like about the person – i.e. No more listening to them snoring! The funnier it is the more relaxed you feel. Could this be a new opportunity to meet new people, travel, have more time to yourself?
- CryIt’s ok to show your emotion. Don’t bottle it up. Having a good cry can sometimes make you feel better! And that goes for men too!
- Find a focusFor me, taking my dogs out for a walk really helps. If you don’t have a dog, you can still go for a walk on your own. Exercise even just walking or the gym will help you. Maybe read a book or play some music. Anything that helps you relax.
- AcceptanceAccept what you can’t change and focus on what you can.
- Take Control
By focusing on what you can change you once again take back control of your destiny. You might not like the change but knowing about it means you can control what happens next. Embrace it and make the decisions you need for you!
- Ask for helpIf you really don’t know what to do, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Use your friends, family or support groups. Counselling is also a good way to get through major change. Don’t be afraid to open up. It isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of taking control.
- Step Away from the alcohol
Whilst alcohol will make you feel better in the short term, it can lead to you focusing on the negatives. You may say things you regret especially on social media. The hangover the next day doesn’t help either. And do’t forget the calories will increase your chance of putting on weight which won’t make you feel good about yourself either!
- Don’t comfort eat As with alcohol reaching for the biscuits, chocolates etc may make you feel good in the short term but the weight gain won’t. Healthy eating will help your mental state much more.
Whatever life throws at you, remember you are the only person who can make that change work for you. It might not be your choice initially, but once you know the impact, you can take control and decide on your own destiny.
So, the next time something doesn’t go to plan, think about what happened next. Think about the positives that have come out of it. This will help you when change comes your way and you are not expecting it! Take back the control and move foreward!