Anton is so smooth!

So, after getting over the joy of meeting Ruth and Eamonn, including Eamonn having his hand on my knee, we continued to wander around the this morning LIVE stands.

It was lunch time so headed to the food area. Burgers, hotdogs, pulled pork were in abundance. Being on Slimming World, I wanted something healthy! After checking all the food stands we found one that did a duck salad! Woo hoo!

We paid and started to look for somewhere to sit!

To the right of me I could hear a commotion! Being nosey I decided to investigate! Salad in hand!

OMG, it was only Anton Du Beke! I know, how amazing right! He was on the WH Smith stand signing books! I one handed tried to take a picture. As we still had our salads in our hands we headed back to the food area where we found somewhere to sit and eat!

The whole time my eyes were drawn to where Anton was! Oh I so love him! Not in that way, but in the way that you have a celeb crush!

Many years ago I met him at a dinner dance at Wroxall Abbey! We got chatting and he invited me to dance lessons the next day, which I obviously took up!

He is such a gent! Cheeky, funny and so charming! You can’t help but love him!

He and Erin even gave me their autograph which was hung proudly in the hall in my old house until I moved.

So I’m sat there eating my lunch. I so want to meet him again ! I’ve finished my lunch but Charlie hasn’t! What to do? How long would he stay there for? It’s no good, I have to politely excuse myself and head back to the stand!

I quickly bought his new novel! Yes he is a man of many talents! I join the queue and wait my turn!

I am so excited. As I approached him, he was so warm and called me by my first name! We chat away and I mention the last time I met him. I’m so star struck I cant remember the name of the hotel! It’s ok though Anton does!

I get my signed book back, a hug and a kiss in the cheek! Oh that has really made my day!

Check it out here on my video of the day!

He really should be the next judge on strictly!

He has a baking programme out now. I’m definitely going to be series linking that!

He is everything and more of what you see on TV! @antondubeke @thismorning

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Best Ever April Fool

I have just seen the best April Fool ever!

I was watching Holly & Phil whilst at the gym, as is my usual daily routine. I arrived at the cross trainer just as they were talking to the husband of someone they had given a make-over to! I had missed the start as I only go to the gym in my lunch hour.

The bit I caught was that this lady was going to her first every school reunion. She was really nervous about what to wear. It was also their 25th Wedding Anniversary. @Lisa Snowdon was providing the wardrobe makeover whilst a hairdresser and makeup artist did the rest.

I absolutely love Lisa Snowdon. In fact if you read one of my previous blogs, you will know I would love her to give me a makeover to! Well, I did! I was mentally crossing that one off my list!

https://bit.ly/2OFtMsF

What I like about Lisa is her dress style. She always makes them look a million dollars. She herself is I think the iconic style queen. She has a figure like mine, and I always aspire to be like here, hence why she is on my list!

As the lady in question walked on, my jaw dropped! I almost fell off the cross trainer. She was wearing this very tight, pink velvety dress. It was above the knee with white cowboy boots! Nothing wrong with either in the right context. If that wasn’t bad enough, her eyes were very dark and smokey and her hair, although not offensive in its own right, didn’t look right!

She looked absolutely awful. In fact as she walked on the phrase that popped into my head was ‘mutton dressed up as lamb’!

As they revealed the look to her, she looked in horror at her reflection. Tears came into her eyes. Holly and Phil were prompting her for her opinion. At first Holly was excited for her, but then she realised she didn’t like the look. She asked if they could stop filming, but they continued. I was screaming at them to stop filming her.

As Phil went to get some tissues, Holly came to console her, offering her to go downstairs to look at other things in the wardrobe.

Phil then announces there was a further surprise! A day trip in London, including dinner at the Ivy, the London Eye, etc. That a car was waiting to take them now. Phil suggested she see how she feels after her day out!

The camera follows them to the car. You can still hear her distraught about the outfit. Holly is beside herself.

As they watch the car pulls off it crashes!

OMG, I nearly fell off the cross trainer!

Holly is in bits. Phil is also really concerned. And then it happens! Phil announces its a complete April Fool! The whole thing was to set Holly up! The couple were actors and the car a stunt car!

Absolutely brilliant! I was completely taken in. Holly’s reaction was priceless too. She is such a good sport! (Meeting them is also on my list).

My faith is now totally restored in Lisa Snowdon! How could anyone of us have believed she would have made such a bad job! I’m still laughing hours later!

Best prank ever! Well done @thismorning

50 things in my 50th year….

So this year, I am hitting a big milestone! The grand old age of 50. Unlike reaching 30 and 40, I am actually looking forward to this birthday. Why? I’m not completely sure, but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am finally very happy with my life!

I have an amazing husband, who I adore. We have a fabulous relationship. We have the same interests in common, (well nearly), and we compliment each other so well.

I have wonderful parents and family. I have great friends. All of this means that entering into the next chapter of my life is a time to celebrate and enjoy, and I intend to!

With this in mind, I have put together 50 things I would ‘like’ to achieve in my 50th year!

1)  Travel to China

Hopefully this is an easy one to achieve! I’ve been planning this trip for what seems like forever! I had seen the trip I wanted to do a few years ago, but had to wait for the company to release it. Finally, in January 2018 I received the telephone call I wanted! I could now reserve my place on the Viking River Cruise tour – Imperial Jewels of China, with added extra days before and after the tour! It is a holiday of a lifetime, but worth every penny I am having to save for it!

Amongst many things we will see the Great Wall of China , Forbidden City & Terracotta Warriors. I’m so excited. It is like a dream come true.

2)Visit Croatia

Again, another one I will be able to tick off my list this year. We have booked a 4 night trip to Dubrovnik. I am so looking forward to seeing the walled city, and where Game of Thrones was filmed.

It might be only for a few days, but I know my hubby and I will pack a lot into that time as usual!

3)  Weekend away in a VW Campervan

I have a little obsession with these campervans. I’ve never been in one, and they probably are not as cosy and comfortable as they look, but I’d still love to have even just one night away with them. There is something so romantic about them. Don’t ask me why!

The downside is though, you would have to go outside into the cold to pop to the loo! For one night though, I am sure I would cope!


4) Re-visit Lundy Island

Yes this might sound a bit unusual, but one of my best ever birthdays, and probably the only one I really remember in detail as a kid, was spent on a day trip to Lundy Island. For those that don’t know, it is a little island off Ilfracombe. It is a nature reserve owned by the National Trust.

I have very fond memories of this trip, even if my mum can’t stop telling people about how I fell in the sea twice on this trip, getting on and off the boat! I do not intend doing that again, but I am planning to spend my 50th doing the same trip!

5)    Eat at a Michelin star restaurant

I’m sure I have already done this once before, but not with my hubby! It would be nice for the 2 of us to have a beautiful meal, good wine, in an award winning restaurant. Maybe with views over the ocean or a city! I’m an old romantic I know, but why not!

6)   Bake with Paul Hollywood

It’s is no secret that I have a celebrity crush on Paul Hollywood! I’d love to have a baking lesson from him. I’m sure I could concentrate just enough to learn something new!

7)  Be my own boss

You will probably find this one a bit weird, but I would love to one day have my own successful business. Successful businesses don’t start overnight, they take time to build up. You have to start somewhere. I just need to find the right idea!

As you will tell as you continue reading, some of the 50 things on my list are probably not going to be achieved, but there is nothing wrong in having dreams and ambitions!!

8)   Buy a new car with the registration of the year I was born

I’m terrible with cars. I never usually keep them for more than 3 to 4 years. Mainly as I know they will be reliable and cost me less in maintenance. My current car is now just over 4 years old. I do love it, but that isn’t the reason I haven’t changed it!

This year, the number plate will have the number 69 in it! This is the year I was born, so I would like a number plate with 69 in it! Mad I know, but I’ve got this into my head!

9)    Get at least 1000 subscribers on my YouTube Channel

My new years resolutions last year were to start a blog. I did this, but I also really wanted to do a vlog. I was unsure if I would have the courage to do one, but in April 2018 I launched my first YouTube channel.

Having subscribers at the time wasn’t really that important as I was just playing around, but as the year has gone on, I have found I really enjoy it! I would love to increase by subscribers to at least 1000. Why? Just to know if anyone is actually interested in anything I am doing, or is it just for me?

I’ve learnt that the number of subscribers is a great measure of success. Not necessary of your channel, but maybe just 1 video! Just to say once in my life I have achieved that, would be great!

10) Take a hot air balloon over my home town

I’ve taken a hot air balloon over the Atlas mountains in Morocco and loved it. I often see them flying around where I live. I would love one day to go up and see where I was born and bred from above!

11) Have a weekend away with my parents

As I have gotten older, I’ve learnt to appreciate my parents so much more than when I was a kid! I am so proud to call them my parents.

When I was a teenager, I was very independent. My last holiday away with my parents was when I was 16. After that, they may have been in the same place, but I was very much with my friends.

As they get older, I realise time with them is precious. I would love just 1 night away with them, to build memories. A log fire somewhere in the countryside or overlooking the ocean would be perfect.

12) Fly first class

I was once offered a free upgrade to fly first class to New York with British Airways. There were a few of us going on a trip with work. I really wanted to say yes, but was reminded by a colleague that it would be unfair if only 2 of us got to fly first class, when the rest of the group were in standard class, so I politely declined!

I wonder how many others would have declined the offer! I’m sure they would have too wouldn’t they? Sadly, I’ve never been offered a free upgrade again, or had the finances to pay for one! Viking did offer me a deal to upgrade our flights for our China trip, but it was way out of our budget! Ah well, you never know I may win the lottery one day!

13) Complete a successful ‘Dry January’

It is probably no surprise that my husband couldn’t stop laughing when I said I was doing dry January! Not because I have an alcohol problem, but I do like a glass of wine at the weekend after a hard week.

I’ve said I’m going to do it many times before and usually last a week or 2! This year though I am going to do it! Why is this year different from all the other failed years? I’m not sure. Maybe, I am just more determined this year. Or maybe, I want to prove my husband and some friends wrong!

14) Walk 5,000,000 steps in 2019

I have had a fitbit for a few years now and love it! This year as I’m 50, I think it would be good to set myself a target. As I do on average 13,000 steps a day, 5m sounds like just the right number of steps!

15) Learn to crochet

I recently knitted my hubby a scarf for our local rugby team. I only had about 10 days to do it in. This kept me quite busy each evening as I usually only have about an hour to myself, but it also took my mind off snacking! I thought it would be a good thing to find something else to do in the evenings, and although my gran did teach me to crochet as a child, I can’t remember how to do it.

By learning this new skill, I can keep myself occupied in the evenings, and maybe produce a blanket or something that I can donate to charity!

16) Visit Stonehenge

I can’t believe I have never been there! It isn’t that far away from me so I really don’t have an excuse not to go! I love visiting sites like this. Dogs are allowed, so have even less of an excuse!

17) Swim with dolphins

There is something magical about doing this! They are such beautiful creatures and to get up close, would be a dream! Maybe when I go to Lundy Island, although the see will be a bit cold!

18) Run 10k

Ok, the truth is, I’d love to say I have run a marathon, but lets be honest, there is ambition and dreams, and then there is clear fantasy and madness! The most I’ve done is 5k so 10k would be good to go for next! Especially as I’m not even sure my knees could do that now!

19) Learn to decorate a cake with icing

If you know me, you may be surprised to see this on my list, but the reality is, I would love to be able to do beautiful piping on a cake!

I’ve made cakes for family and friends, but they were quite basic. To do something like The Cake Boss produces would be amazing!

20)Learn to ballroom dance with Anton De Beke

Many years ago, I was able to have some dance lessons with Anton. It was just a day, with a group of others. I would love one on one training to surprise my family that I could dance ballroom. Not sure how the surprise would go, but hey, nothing wrong with dreaming!

21)Be on the panel of Loose Women

When I go to the gym at lunchtime, I will watch either the end of This Morning or the beginning of Loose Women. I day dream often about being on the panel and giving my view and opinion on the topics! Ok, I’m dreaming again aren’t I?

22) Own a designer handbag

I’m not a materialistic person at all. I would rather colour my own hair and paint my own nails than waste(my words) money on getting them done professionally. I would rather put the money to other things including treating others. It would be nice once, to just be indulgent and treat myself to a designer bag!

I’d probably buy it though and regret the expense immediately!!

23) Replace my greenhouse

When I moved into my new home in 2016, I promised myself a little greenhouse. Space for it was short, but I got one which is about 2ft wide by approx 5 feet. It’s only canvas, but I love it! I’d now like to buy myself a more grown up one! I still need it to be small to fit the same space, but it would be great having sliding doors instead of zips, or to be able to see inside it!

I keep looking, and maybe this year, I will find the perfect one!

24) Reduce my daily commute to work

Well this is another of my dreams that I probably won’t be able to change this year! Not unless I find something I can do, working for myself or winning the lottery!

I currently have a 3 hour round trip to work each day! It’s very tiring, and limits the quality time I have at home. I would love to have just an hour off that back each day, to catch up on housework etc.

By the time the weekend comes, I’m exhausted. Plus, I then have to spend the little time I have doing the jobs I don’t have time to do in the week!

25) Teach Lola to walk off a lead

My previous dog before Fido was amazing. He never needed a lead on his walks, and would wait to cross a road until he was told to do so!

My youngest dog is super intelligent, but very energetic and independent. I would love to be able to have the freedom to walk her without a lead, however I fear that may never happen! I’m not going to give up though. I’m contemplating this year, taking her to dog training! Now that should be fun!

On the plus side, she is doing wonders for the muscles in my right arm!

26) Teach Fido to not bark at the door

Fido has this really annoying habit of barking every time anyone tries to exit our front door. I can’t even remember when it started, but it really is a nuisance and annoying. My hubby and I are trying all the techniques we have read about to stop it, but it’s really a slow process! If we cracked it, it would make for a less stressful life that is for sure!

27) Teach Fido not to bark at noises

I love Fido to bits, but he has some problems! One of them is noise! I am sure he would bark at a cloud some days. Door bells, phones, televisions, you name it, he will bark at it. In fact, it is more than that! He looses complete control!

We are working with him after having a behaviourist in to help us. It is very slow process and so stressful, but we will keep at it. It isn’t his fault. Something happened to him in the 16 weeks before we had him, that has effected his behaviour!

If we cracked this, I think I will be dancing on the moon!!

28) Have 5 minutes of fame on T.V. – preferably on This Morning

Ok, back to the day dreaming at the gym again! I love Phil and Holly and Ruth and Eamonn. Wouldn’t it be great to meet them on This Morning? No? Is it just me then? It would be a laugh I’m sure! Maybe I could help Paul Hollywood cook something on the programme, or even get a make over from Lisa Snowdon! You gotta have a dream!

29)Go to see a musical at least once in 2019

I love musicals. For many years I used to go to loads in London, but in the last 12 years, I have gone to very few! This year is a time to change that! There are so many great ones to see. The challenge will be choosing which one to go to first!

30) Go to a music festival or concert at least once in 2019

Again, I love live music but haven’t been to a music festival for about 9 years! I recently saw Madness live and they were amazing. There are so many more opportunities out there to see music live. Time to change this year and see more me thinks!

31) Write a blog at least once a week

Last year’s New Years resolution was to start writing my own blog, which as you can see I have done. I want to continue doing this so I can grow my audience. I want to feel I have made a difference to others, through my blogs.

32) Improve my photography skills

I’ve been into photography for a few years now, but last year, I really got the bug. I was so shocked and pleased when I entered a photo I had taken of Fido, into a Countryfile Magazine photo competition and won! I now want to build on that. My blog and vlog will help me do this, but I also want to try and improve my techniques by studying other great photographs.

33) Clean out the garage

I really do hate clutter, but you wouldn’t know it from my garage!

Because I am so busy, I just dump things in there! I have an exercise bike somewhere in there. The plan was to use it in there,while watching TV on my laptop! That was 2.5 years ago!

This year, I really need to be ruthless! Throw things out I don’t need, get my hubby to put the brackets up I bought 2.5 years ago, so we can hang things up properly, and start using it!

I may just wait until it warms up first though!

34) Help raise awareness of homelessness

I see so many people sleeping on the streets every day, and it breaks my heart. I do try and help when I can but if others could do the same, even in small amounts, it would really help.

No-one chooses to sleep outside in freezing temperatures. Just a little bit of kindness to them could mean the world.

35) Help out someone at least once a month

I feel very blessed with my life, and if I can do something nice to just one person a month, then it could make a lot of difference. It could be speaking to someone who is lonely, looking after my nieces to give my brother a rest, carrying someones shopping. Absolutely anything. It would be nice just to give something back.

36) Have a professional make over

I never spend much time on me! I’m always too busy, or feel the money should be spent on more practical things. I also haven’t a clue what really suits me, so putting myself in someone’s hand would be great.

This is probably one I won’t do this year, for the reasons above, but you never know, maybe for once I will just take the bullet and do it!

37) Have a ‘hot’ Christmas

This isn’t what you may think!  I’ve always seen Christmas as being a cold time.  My hubby is from South Africa so every year until he left South Africa, he had Christmas in what was his summer.  I would like to see what that is like.  To cook a turkey on the braai rather than in the oven.

I would imagine Santa in speedos may be a bit too far, but it is always good to experience new things!

38) Remember friends and family’s birthdays

I used to be really good at this, but over the last few years it has been very hit an miss.  This year, I want to pre-write my cards a month in advance, date them in the corner of the envelope, put a stamp them, and send a week before!  That is assuming I have their dates in my diary that is!

39) Be surprised

I love surprising people, but it doesn’t really happen to me.  I would love someone to arrange something as a surprise for me.  It doesn’t have to be big, just something that I haven’t had to organise or choose!

40) Have dinner out once a month

I get so tired some weeks.  Having to always think about what to eat every day can be a challenge.  Some nights, I could just pick up a takeaway menu for eat out, but I always think I could use the money for better things, so only eat out for a treat. 

I should at least once a month put myself first, and go out.  It doesn’t have to be expensive, but I wouldn’t have to cook or wash up after!

41) Take an hour out a week for ‘me time’

Going back to some of the things I have said above.  My time is so precious, but I really need to take time out for me to do something relaxing. Recharge my batteries without worrying about anyone or anything!

I do try and get an hour on the sofa each night before going to bed, however that is usually also spent dealing with 2 dogs who decide that is the exact time for them to play fight, right in front of me and the TV!

42) Get 8 hours of sleep a night as much as possible

I seem so tired most of the time.  As I get up just after 5 am, I have to be in bed by just after 9 pm to get 8 hours.  Sadly, as I rarely get to sit down before 8-8.30 each night, I’m not relaxed enough to go to bed to sleep, so that time slips.  I then end up with only 6-7 hours sleep!

Come the weekend, even if my body clock won’t let me lie in, the dogs certainly don’t!  Once I am awake, I really struggle to go back to sleep! I’m not sure how I am going to achieve this one, but I will give it a go!

43) Drink more water and less diet coke

I am so bad with coke.  I really need a healthy kick and cut it down.  It isn’t good for my teeth either!  I just need to try and like water!!

44) Have a girls night out at least once every 3 months

Because I am so busy, I am always tired, so when the weekend comes all I want to do is chill.  This means I neglect my friends.  I need to make sure I make more of an effort this year for them, as they are great loyal friends.

45) Have a date night with hubby at least once every 3 months

I have an amazing husband and relationship.  I don’t want it to ever be taken for granted, so having time away from home together is really important.  When we do, we feel so much better for it and have such a great time.

46) Take a canal trip

Wouldn’t it be great to take life at a slow pace!  Seeing the scenery around you.  Stopping off each day in different places!

I’ve been promising for years to do this with another couple.  I really must do it.  Even for a weekend.  It would be so relaxing, and just what the doctor ordered!

47) Go to see Wasps at least 3 times during the year

I love going to see this team play.  It is close to me and a great atmosphere.  I really should support my local team more and have time out with something my hubby enjoys.

48) Learn the rules to Rugby

I have seen so much rugby with my husband.  I was addicted to going to live matches for the World Cup in 2015, however what I know about the rules of the game are so basic!  After 11 years with my hubby, I think it is about time I took more of an interest and understood why penalties were given etc.  At the moment, my only real knowledge is if the team players I’m supporting have the ball or not, and if they score!

As my school report said – I must try harder!

49) Take up a new hobby

Why not!  It is always good to broaden your horizons!  Our local village has a choir which some of my neighbours are considering.  I may go along on the 7 January for a taster session with them and see how I get on!

50) Keep in touch more with family and friends who live away

I have some amazing family who live down south or up north.  I love them dearly, but I am a nightmare at keeping in touch.  This year I really want to make sure I check in with them more often.  

Sometimes we leave it too late.  I don’t want to have any regrets.

So, as you can see this is a very long list. I’m realistic that some of it won’t happen, but it is good to have dreams and ambitions. I think it makes us more proactive.

Follow me throughout 2019 to see how many I can tick off!

Happy New Year.





Be Kind!

Back in March this year, This Morning on ITV supported the ‘Be Kind’ campaign. It was targeted at children and parents to prevent bullying, and the sad consequences to their mental health !  In extreme situations even causing them to take their own lives.

With the use of the internet, it is far easier for people to bully others.  Most communication is carried out by email, text or social media.  You can now bully someone without seeing the direct consequences, or even caring.

Children often find it hard to know how to deal with bullies, or even tell them about it.  There are a lot of support groups out there now which help parents and teachers deal with this.  Its a terrible thought that we even have to consider this, but if we don’t tackle childhood bullying, it can lead to them continuing to bully others into their adulthood!

Lets first deal with What is a bully?

It’s someone who attempts to control another person through verbal abuse.  This can be the tone of their voice or the content such as teasing or threats.  Bullying can occur anywhere, in the workplace, school, home and clubs.  It can be carried out by anyone whatever their relationship with you.

Why do people bully?

There can be many reasons why people bully.  If you understand the reason behind it, it may help you deal with it.  The main reasons are:-

  1. The person may have been bullied before.
    Whilst this isn’t an excuse, if they have grown up with bullies, they may follow suit, as it is all that they have known.
  2. They are lonely.
    If they feel they are not important and have no-one in their lives, they may be seeking attention.
  3. They have personal problems.
    If they have personal problems this could impact on their own behaviours.  They may be more aggressive than usual.
  4. They have low self-esteem.
    What better way to make yourself feel better than to try and put someone else down!  Bullies with low self-esteem will try and find a weakness in someone.  They will fish to find what they think they can use against them.  Unfortunately, this can backfire if the victim is someone who is actually stronger!
  5. They are jealous.
    There can be many reasons for the jealousy, an ex has moved on, the victim is more successful or more popular than them, someones been promoted or even as simple as the car they drive.
  6. They are just arrogant and believe they are better than others.
    Some bullies just think they are better than everyone else, and can do what they like, treat people how they like and its ok.   Until they feel the consequence of their actions they will continue on the same path.
  7. They think they are impressing others.
    If you think back to the gang cultures, the bully is almost like a peacock.  They feel that by being a bully in front of others, it makes them more powerful and people will look up to them.  These are usual people who don’t have a lot else to offer so use this as a way of surrounding them with so called ‘friends’!
  8. They just see you as different.
    We are all different, but some people just don’t know how to handle this.  They will pick on this difference and try and use it against the other person.

So how do we deal with them?

In the workplace we are taught to challenge inappropriate behaviours, but how easy is this outside of work?

As I said above, bullies are trying to control another person.  Its all about power!  If you take away that control or power, they can’t bully you any longer!

I’m amazed at the lengths some bullies go to to try and find something to use as a potential weapon.  Turn that on its head!  How sad is it that someone has nothing else in their lives but to focus on you.  In fact it could be a compliment that they feel the need to dedicate so much time on you!

You don’t need to be the victim once you put their behaviour into that context.  Actual they are the victim.  To what, you may never know, only they will know why they feel the need to try and victimise another person.

I’ve listed some of the reasons above.  Sometimes the behaviour of the bully is just so far off the scale of normal that you really can’t be bothered to give them another thought.  This usually happens in isolated instances.

Last year we had a driver try to bully and intimidate us.  He had overtaken us on a blind bend with oncoming traffic.  My husband had to pull off the road and do an emergency stop.  The oncoming traffic were flashing lights too.  My husband also blew the horn.  While the driver was in the wrong, he felt the need to pent his aggression on us.  He did an emergency stop in front of us which almost caused another accident.  He then jumped out of the car and started getting aggressive at my husband.

It would have been so easy to rise to his behaviour.  Instead, I calmly informed him that his actions could have caused a serious accident.  I told him to get back into his car and move on.  When you put water on the fire, its amazing how little more the bully has to come back at you at.  I then took a picture of his car and reported it to the police.    If he had just continued on his journey we may have been annoyed at this lack of care on the road.  The fact that he stopped and did what he did then took it to another level!  By not rising to him and reporting him, we took back the control.

Obviously, when its long term bullying, that is more challenging.

If like me you are not from a background where you were exposed to bullying, when it first happens its a shock.  I was always brought up to respect others.  My father used to say ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything’.  That is not to say we were a push over.  Certainly not.  We were also brought up to talk to people with respect and dignity if there was a problem.  To not gossip behind others backs, or say things that are not true for your own ends.

In business they always say, look after those on your way up because you may need them on your way down.  This is so true.

I have come across people who gossip about others.  They take a half truth and twist it to make it sound something its not.  Its all about power and getting a reaction!  They then look around to see who is listening to them.  Often they assume others agree with them.  Often its not the case.  Others may just not want to get involved or question that person about it!

If you are a target of these bullies, think about what they are trying to achieve.  If its a reaction, don’t give it to them.  They can only continue if you give them reason to do it.  Don’t stoop to their level!  If they want to be nasty let them.  It will cause them more stress and unhappiness than you.

A bit of advice I was given once was, if you can look in the mirror and can honestly say you like the person you are, you can sleep at night knowing you have done the best for others and have caused no-one harm on purpose, then you have nothing to worry about.

I’m not saying the bully will have sleepless nights about their behaviour.   Some of them are just not built with the self awareness of what they are doing, or even care what harm they could potentially do.

Another piece of advice I was given is that if you can rise above the bully, you will come out as a stronger person, or in a stronger relationship etc.

Everyone in their life will experience a bully.  Just remember who you are, your values, and the truth.  You will eventually find their behaviour both sad and funny.  Once you get to that situation, they can keep trying new ways to get at you, but ultimately, they will fail as they have no control over you.

Remember the impact a bully will have on others around you too.  They may be targeting you, but their action could impact on someone close to you too.  Talk to them about the bullies actions, comments  and behaviours.  They may be uncomfortable too, but don’t know how to deal with it.

Bullies are very good as I said at taking a half truth and turning it around.  Those impacted may also be nervous about who to challenge.  Who do they believe?  How should they deal with it?  They may have many questions.

So next time you get a text, email or social media message that is attacking you, take a step back and consider it for what it is!   Don’t let it impact on you.  Bullies rely on causing emotional and mental destruction.  Don’t give in to them.  If it becomes unmanageable, then you can also raise it with the authorities.   This isn’t always possible especially when its in the home or work place, but by using some of my mechanisms above, whilst the person will continue to try and bully you, there will be no impact on you personally, unless its just to raise a smile at the persons latest attempt!

I’m a true believer in Karma!

And finally, don’t be a bully yourself.  Think about the consequence of your actions on others and how you would feel if you were in their shoes!

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